rushy days.

It's been a long time since i really blog. Initially was because mu tou uses wad I write to come against me. well. wadever. I have been busy. berri bussi. due to projects. I was upset abt mu tou but my studies have help me in the extend tat i have to tell myself tat I got to be focus and do my projects if not i am nt goin to have good grades. Anyway mu tou test has past, hope he does well. I piang the projects like siao. and apparently some pple din do much also. Jane has decided to quit school. So like on the week of submission she told me. so apparently for both projects i felt like an individual project. but wth. Now i just wish i can pass hopefully with good results. now i am so tired. and i feel haunted to do the card and everything else related to church. it just puts me off. anyway, i dun want to do it. JUst treat it I have no love. I am jsut freakin tired.

Scram off. Everyone.

My wish n0w is sleeping or watchin SCV or goin for a short trip. I dun like crowds. I prefer one or 2 person. kinda affair. so meets up i prefer tat too.

So no more groups. Can u imagine. i would rather read a book den to go out in groups. SO unlike me. sigh. but i kinda lookin forward to bird park and bbq. ciao.

a word in season - categorize your love

today i went for pm again.

I prayed to God to give me a new word. And yah. I prayed n prayed nothing came.

SO yes we sang one of my favourite own church song.

You are the peace that guards my heart,
my help in time of need
You are the hope that leads me on and brings me to my knees.
FOr there i find you waiting, and there i find release,
and with all my heart i worship and unto u i sing,

for you alone deserves all glory,
for you alone deserves all praise.
Father we love you and adore you father we long to see ur face,

for you alone deserves all glory,
for you alone deserves all praise.
Father we love you and and we worship you this day.

yup. sigh. sob.

Anyway, it was then as i begin to worship GOd,
he began to put a word in me.

He ask me to learn to categorize my love.

mu tou young

Hi,

I am msging mu tou again. just tat i din send the msg. or when i ever realli wanna send mu tou a msg i just blog. haiz. MU TOU!!.

I dun want to disturb him. I guess i am giving him alot of stress and yah. He has lots to managed.
I was free on tues n wed but i din do much due to lack of focus and concentration. And I was watching the 9pm show. I think Fann Wong played the role sounds so familliar.

haiz. mu tou mu tou. wei wei mu tou young.

WRU. :(

Bie zhou

Hi there,

I din managed to wake up to go for prayer meeting this morning. Couldnt wake up. was late for work too. sigh. Woke up with a swollen eye due to the late nite tears i shed yest. I miss mu tou.

I controlled myself so hard not to call n sms mu tou cos i dun want to give him additional pressure due to his papa condition. I hope his papa op will be a success and he will recover soon.

Sigh. I guess I noe mu tou so much more yest.

Within myself, no matter how much mu tou try to push me away and no matter how hard he is or how nasty he tries to be to me intentionally or unintentionally. He is part of me. =( haiz.

Clone, slap me ba.

Within all these while, I hope wad I think abt mu tou is rite. But only time will tell. But sometimes he being hard from the moment i noe him, he indirectly shows me alot. And i guess mu tou saw alot of me. Mu tou. I trust him and I trust my judgement.

Dont go.

Mu tou, i will load this youtube song the next entry. for you. HUGS !!!

Dun go baby!

I have alot of things to blog but i am not in the right state to blog anything. I need to study but i cant. Mu tou says its all in the mind. seriously i cant. and i feel like i am suffering from depression because i cant eat. and watever goes in comes out. my stomach feels queasy, my heart is heavy, i have no peace. I am so upset. i lost myself.

Seriously, the things tat mu tou did is bad enuff to make me hurt myself. I am not tat strong.

Mu tou, dun go. =(

You always been a part of me.

An early tuesday morning

Hi Today is tues and I am early, because I went for prayer meetin. I pluck myself out of bed. haha.

Well, talk to mu tou yest nite. He was so not himself. in fact he was like ARGH.. yah. so not himself. I know he was breakin apart. The way he talk n reacted. And yah. i guess he wants to be left alone for now. and i guess i shld. In fact i was upset yest. cos wadever he spoke of has thorns in his words and i guess, a person who is hurt will tend to hurt others. contagious i guess. and now he has to cope with studies and work. but his piority is his family.

2 results. either he will want to spend more time with his family or maybe he is too fed up dat he wanna run away.

Today, soemthing spoke to me while i was on the way to singpost. Let him learn and grow himself. I guess to a certain extend. I guess I gotta let him rest.

Many thoughts came to me this morning unknowingly. but at such I seem to remember.

But i noe when i was praying for mu tou n family it was the spirit praying cos out of the belly came utterance. My heart was heavy. But i know God hears. He begin to impart faith into me.

I dunno. suddenly yest. I felt mu tou was at the brim. or almost. sigh. i felt helpless seriously.

Today i begin to realised something when i begin to step into heart of God church. All humans are weak and all will fall. but i realised something special abt people who has GOd in their lives. they pick up fast. 7 times you will fall but 7 times stronger you will come up. thats wad bible says.

haiz i realised something, " sorry seems to be the hardest word" for mu tou. I realised he never says dem. and I am hurt by wad he says. I mean he wanna hurt me hurt all the way lor. say like dun be his friend and from his heart he says that I let people make use of. :( like wth! I mean if you wnana say den say it all. haiz. some times i feel like crackin his head. n take out his rubbish.

I just spoke to glenn cos he is a runner. I ask him abt mu tou's pa condition. Now i noe the seriousness of it. N i cant blame him for reactin tat way. I understood the consequences of the situation. God, bring every disappointment to a new appointment!

I begin to understand. Everything was done so that you would come.

stubborness/ rebelliousness and pride

mu tou told called me at 1230. I slept le but i was glad he called back. for one moment
i tot i was dreaming. spoke to him.

He said i can be stubborn n humble at the same time. at tat pt i was like brain dead so i didnt realli reply it.

The truth is stubborness and humility can never co-exist.

Stubborn means wad?

this is from the dictionary.

1.unreasonably obstinate; obstinately unmoving: a stubborn child.
2.fixed or set in purpose or opinion; resolute: a stubborn opponent of foreign aid.
3.obstinately maintained, as a course of action: a stubborn resistance.
4.difficult to manage or suppress: a stubborn horse; a stubborn pain.
5.hard, tough, or stiff, as stone or wood; difficult to shape or work.

—Synonyms 1. contrary, intractable, refractory, unyielding, headstrong, obdurate. 2. persevering. Stubborn, dogged, obstinate, persistent imply fixity of purpose or condition and resistance to change. Stubborn and obstinate both imply resistance to advice, entreaty, remonstrance, or force; but stubborn implies more of innate quality and is the more frequently used when referring to inanimate things: stubborn disposition; stubborn difficulties. Dogged implies pertinacity and grimness in doing something, esp. in the face of discouragements: dogged determination. Persistent implies having staying or lasting qualities, resoluteness, and perseverance: persistent questioning.

stubborness and rebellious person usually thinks tat they are rite. therefore refuses to change, and if strong pride stays, even when the person noes he /she is wrong, he still insist that he/she is rite.

Stubborn pple tends to always want to win. sigh.

We all need illumination of the mind i guess. Mu tou. dun be so stubborn. lets learn k. dun reject this k. rem i told u, u gt to be open n willing.