Be of good cheer!

hihi,

I hope mu tou is able to cope with stuff, hitting quotas and resutls.. Has not been blogging for a few days.
Miss Macdonalding with mu tou man. ok la maybe next time will have more chance. Cos he has to study.

Mu tou u can do it!
alrite. nuthing much to blog.

Been settling things on hand. I am considering to let go vocals. I think clone sure upset de. haiz. i think not onli him. I beloved B3 oso. I would say i will let go for now ba. Not realli my piority. Too much things to focus on. yup. I've been releasing alot of things recently. including him. Cos he forced me. =( haiz. maybe better ba. Cos i noe he cant handle. His work is stressing him alot, now comes studies, even more. And i noe i bring stress to pple who is with me. Well, perhaps i expect alot. haha.

Things are picking up for me. Need to save money n study hard. Wondering shld i go holiday. My bills!! sigh. dad just complained abt my hp bill this month 300 plus to handphone bills. cos i gt m1 line too. CRAP!!!

Tired. gtg study. n hmm.. where's mt?

waking up mode

hihi,

Slept alot. yest nite i slept at 9 plus and i keep waking up. I cried to sleep. I dunno wad happen dun ask me why. yest nite the whole episode was weird and scary. I dun even feel its myself. if you were to read my previous blog u will noe why. MU tou, if u think i am mad. just ignore me. but if u wanan show abit of concern? i would gladly accept it :)

I din go send chris off, i din go service. I slept all the way. yup. It's time for a waking n up smashing session for myself. MELISSA CHEN! WAKE UP WAKE UP!. its time to move before i miss the train. the train dun wait for you . ITs either you get over it and walk or bye u be stuck in tat pit for all ur life. I dun like where i am now but somehow i am enjoying it. Slept like damn long 15 hrs perhaps. so my mind is abit more awake. which means shit. cos alot of things haven do. argh..

Gotta plan for my studies the next few weeks till exams. woohoo.. if not realli no time. n PROJECTS is killing me haven start man. my projects mate are like sure cool about it .

I think i need to study everyday now. at least half to a chapter. I am realli lag now. I need to reduce my activities with pple. Lesser time for church things perhaps. and play and maybe mo tou ba. but maybe not. I will drag mu tou go out study. cos i noe he will head big when come to books. JIA YOU MU TOU. one month. i think our exams abt same time. whaha. sigh. Its gonna be tough for you mu tou to work n study wor. cos dun forget u need to revise. u look at me u noe i half life. cos i damn long din study.

Now, more activties coming this weekend. 2 friends celebrating bday on the 2nd aug. gosh. clash. one is celebrating 21st bday the other is my v.good friend. know her since p1. haha we gonna check in hotel n have a hotel party. i wonder wad is it gonna be like but u noe wad we gonna drink so means most may get drunk. shit. i better be sober. this week is festival of praise. i guess i am not going ba. the next day sure cant make it. n means i got no time to study!! wah!

yup time managament. tats wad mu tou always say. Mu tou actually i have alot of things to tell u. but i guess i will release things in its own timing. and pls communicate with me k.

I am looking forward to the trip with mu tou. erm. if tats too ex, i tot of another alternative which is more cost effective. CIO!

ok actually yest i noe mu tou dun realli want to see me. maybe i am too stick to him. mm. yah i can tell he is not veri happy cos he misses all his train n he is late for dinner. n maybe i am stopping him for his other opportunities with his family. anyway tat question tat i ask u to bring me ar, its just a joke la. dun take it to heart. i not fact finding anything. i just teasing u. whah. anyway yest mu tou let me realised alot of things abt myself. Hey, i actually do learn things frm mu tou. whaha. ok la gtg eat. mu tou dun fall in the toilet bowl. whaha.

ciao!

stop and stare, i think i'm moving but i go no where

now i am here blogging. i concluded brain dead. fading away into the wallpaper. lost with the wind. I lost myself, I lost all.

Conclusion, withering.

I am tired. Very. not just physically, mentally n emotionally. Perhaps I shall run away.
Today I had a veri weird thought and i guess i had enough. I gonna tell amos soemthing not veri pleasant. i just sms him. i guess i not gonna beat round the bush but tell him directly.

Everyone thinks things are going fine and good, but the truth is it aint not. I am tired of keep on keeping on. If the thing i can do now i would want to say.. I AM SICK OF EVERYTHING !

Some updates abt mu tou.
Recently, Maybe its too demanding of him to come see me.

Mu tou's concern abt me joining him. the truth is i not moving cos my mind is blank veri blank. If i already feel so chaos inside me den where can i even want to think further.

STOP AND STARE, I THINK I'M MOVING BUT I GO NO WHERE.

JUST WALK AWAY.

currently i am suffering from a splitting headache. and i have made a decision to walk away.

bye amos.

i guess i lost my mind. I am unsound. mad. insane. lost. just like emily the strange. tats why i am acting strangly. bye everyone. my life ends here.

The so WHat daes!

i have so many things to blog. but recently i am so tired to blog abt my thoughts too.
I guess i just do a quick update. I am veri tired. I dunno why.
Feel as if i am fading away. A body without substance. Where is my capacity and tenacity?
Do hardwork get paid off? I am overwhelm by my thoughts. mm.. recently, mu tou n me got better. but many areas still haven realli got better. am i distracted by too many things? being muilti -foci. I wanna let go everything. as in everything. Mu tou ask me join him. I did wanted to. But for me when i am not 100% sure, i rather not move, because i remember yah lan told me tat before. because, the other day i woke up in the morning, n something came to me. Can i not do things according to my own feelings. Cause feelings may not always be rite and it can be something dangerous to rely on.

I begin to think. So wad i can get alot of money from mu tou's company? So what i can have alot of pple under me? so wad I can be very good in design? so wad i can be veri good in marketing TDF? so wad i excel in my career? so what? so what i can sing well? so wad i can perform? so wad pple admire me in terms of my talents n abilities? so what? so what i can analyse and see pple? so what i can study hard and do well in my studies? so what?

Maybe i shld let go of my job?
Maybe i shld let go of my studies?
Maybe i shld let go of cg n service?
maybe i shld let go of myself.

I just want to go to no man's land with mu tou and have fun. even the no man's land is malaysia. I am happy.

Aww.. Zzzzz.. in my dreams.

虽然我愿意

This song is played and sung by my beloved nos.3 bf. CS. He is so talented and mesmerising when he played this. I recorded it down when i was at his place yest and i have been listening to this song over n over again. SO nice!!. yah. title of the song - su ran wo yuan yi - by wu jia hui.

I copied a version of chinese / hanyu pinyin and english translation. for M.T. - so literally translate lor. diao. I will update the meng xiang jia soon. - need to get the lyrics.

虽然我愿意

请让我靠近你轻轻对你说
别让我每个夜为你受折磨
是多么不容易才默默放手
为了我就当作这次为了我
别让我因为你被回忆折磨
而空气凝结了我们的脸孔
我别无选择

就算我们之间有什么问题
依然想念着你 虽然被放弃
虽然我愿意
就算我们之间有什么难题
黑夜我还想着你
心碎人孤寂
虽然我愿意(心还想着你)

再让我靠近你轻轻对你说
当我说我要你从此好好过
是真的否则我怎么肯放手
为了我就当作这次为了我
赐给我你现在幸福的笑容
别让恨冻结了我们的脸孔
请你做选择


请让我靠近你轻轻对你说
Qing rang wo kao jin ni jing jing dui ni shuo
Please let me go to you and softly talk to you.

别让我每个夜为你受折磨
Bie rang wo mei ge ye wei ni shou zhe mo
Don’t let me be tormented every night because of you.

是多么不容易才默默放手
Shi duo me bu rong yi cai mo mo fang shou
It’s so hard to silently let go!

为了我就当作这次为了我
Wei le wo jiu dang zuo zhe ci wei le wo
Just this time, do this for me.

别让我因为你被回忆折磨
Bie rang wo yin wei ni bei hui yi
Don’t let me be tormented by the memories because of you.

而空气凝结了我们的脸孔
Er kong qi ning jie le wo men de lian kong
The atmosphere freezes our faces.

*我别无选择
Wo bie wu xuan ze
I have no other choice,

就算我们之间有什么问题
Jiu suan wo men zhi jian you shen me wen ti
Since we have so many problems between us.

依然想念着你
Yi ran xiang nian zhe ni
I’m still longing for you,

虽然被放弃
Sui ran bei fang qi
Even though we’ve given up.

虽然我愿意
Sui ran wo yuan yi
Despite it all, I’m still willing.

就算我们之间有什么难题
Jiu suan wo men zhi jian you shen me nan ti
Even though there are such problems between us,

黑夜我还想着你
Hei ye wo hai xiang zhe niIn the dark nights,
I’m still thinking of you.

心碎人孤寂
Xin sui ren gu ji
Heart-broken people are lonely.

虽然我愿意(心还想着你)
Sui ran wo yuan yi (Xin hai xiang zhe ni)
Despite it all, I’m willing. (My heart is still thinking of you.)

再让我靠近你轻轻对你说
Zai rang wo kao jin ni jing jing dui ni shuo
Again, let me come to you and talk softly to you.

当我说我要你从此好好过
Dang wo shuo wo yao ni cong ci hao hao guo
Then, I will say I will want you more and more as time goes by.

是真的否则我怎么肯放手
Shi zhen de fou ze wo zen me ken fang shou
Whether it comes to that or not, I am willing to let go.

为了我就当作这次为了我
Wei le wo jiu dang zuo zhe ci wei le wo
Just this time, do this for me.

赐给我你现在幸福的笑容
Ci gei wo ni xian zai xing fu de xiao rong
Give me your happy smile.

别让恨冻结了我们的脸孔
Bie rang hen dong jie le wo men de lian kong
Don’t let hatred freeze our faces.

请你做选择
Qing ni zuo xuan ze
Please make your decision.

Randomness

randomly after readin wad i blog for the last entry i realised mu tou will be thinking i shld join him. for the various reasons that i noe.. and he will still end up saying, its my choice. haha.

rite! mu tou!

Rehersal

Hi,

I am about to leave office.
Today i am going to tpy but apparently, mu tou not going. diao. sigh
nvm la i am supposed to study anyway. Must mug liao. argh.. and yah later going to CS hse for
rehersal with clone and the rest of the other performers.
I am so tired, but no choice but to go. I dun even noe can sing not. cos my throat is highly irritated and i keep coughing. crap i think i better go chinese medical hall and get some stuff for my throat.

erm.. ok m.t. is at his neighbour's hse now and i am so tired cos slept at 4am. i think i never recover cos i dun get to sleep. that time i sick i slept 14hrs
den after den i been sleeping 2-3 hrs again. fri/sat/sun/mon argh. shack! alrite. my head is goner. Been thinking the whole day cos busy with work.
Now. gonna study and re-evaluate my goals. later tonite still need finish the Image Esthetics Artwork for arabad. sigh. late nite again.

Sam gonna give me product training on Fri. ok. I was thinking of takin leave to sleep lor.
sigh. sat oso no rest. cos got vocal class and performance. sigh. sunday STUDY!

if onli mu tou can study with me. shrugs!

gtg.

nerve wrecking and snoozing

here i am again.

Recently, I have been blogging. Evidently, you can see it. haha. i dunno. somehow there is no one i can turn to except talking to myself. Maybe this is another way of talking to "mu tou" cos many a times i refrain from sms-ing or calling him cos i din want to disturb him la. I guess he needs the space. Wx just sms me asking me abt mlm. haha. yah n he told him his camp mate approached him so i wonder is it the same as mu tou's. he say he will informed me. weird. my this friend of my got crazy ideas for biz for design. he show me his proposal i gone through n critic alot. Tats wad he ask me to do. haha yah but hor i seem to forget to email him back. yah. doing biz not say so simple. when i read his plan to a certain extend i wanna faint. ahha. but i find no clear direction.

ok anyway, feel sian now. totally no motivation. listening to mu tou's song.. to perk me up.

Today, i wrote some song lyrics, i realised soemthing. I like to describe my lyrics . I guess i suck at lyrics writing. my command of english is like shit la. and yah the words dun seem to tally. but i realised the song soemtimes i like to write its good for jamming. whaha. anyway, i still love the song i composed in the past. I wonder why didnt i learn music composing.. amos got one of my song. which i refused to pass it to him in the past.

yah I feel like screaming.. this.. over to meyer rd.. MU TOU.. IMU.

its nerve wrecking, its crashing inside me. yawns. slept like 2 hrs onli but i am as energetic as ever. Just now cg was good, it answers my qtn.

I will probably not blogged now. cos it gonna talk long, let me read it over and pocess my thoughts. Yah. I am tired. But i am right here waiting for M.T. it seems like he is at the other side of the planet. and tml got vocal class. i alr losing my voice. keep coughing must get well soon!

U noe rite. Soemtimes, I dun mind.. my body here, but my spirit goes to mu tou hse. haha ok maybe he will freak out.

Don't speak, i know wad you saying so pls stop explain. dun speak! - no doubt -

You noe wad. exactly one week ago. I was at mu tou place. with the oriental look. and yah I wanna hug mu tou!

ok la. shant say much liao. its all abt mu tou! but seriously i miss him calling me dat!. sigh!
u want to noe my serious thought even though mu tou said it clear at his place tat day. But another part of me is there are things that are more den meets the eye. serious. i dunno why. just a woman's gut feel.

haiz ciao. snooze!

Emotionlism Vs Emotionless

The emotionalism (mu tou sa) and emotionless (mu tou young) kept staring at my face.
Where do broken hearts go? thats the song I am listening now.
My heart is aching again. Not because I am listening to this song.
It was aching long ago.

Yes where do broken hearts go?
If it is not dealt with properly it will causes us to be building walls to protect
ourselves. And a person who always rely on emotions will eventually find it tough to express
A emotionless person does not mean he or she dun feel anything. but simple put it across as
He or she is unable to express one emotion, , with very little emotion or no emotion at all.
Yah, they are hurt, callous and unable to feel anything.

Everyone need to spend time learning, dealing and managing their own emotions.
Yes.

I want to see him yet i need to manage myself. Who noes when he sees this he might not even want to meet me already. To tell him I dun feel anything, its a lie la. Impossible not to feel anything but just abt overcoming it. So I guess I will face him. IF i realli cant den i will walk away. Last fews days i was holding back alot. YES. I miss him so much. but there is nothing i can do. Seriously now, I am already glad that he is not avoidin me rite. Haiz. Although I will feel upset things cannot be like last time. Sometimes i think its such a big price for my mistake. :(


What can i do? nothing much abt it. I hope mu tou will like the stuff i passing him on sunday.
:)

alrite gotta do some house keeping for my files. and i miss his voice :( I am listening it again in my memory. His whines :)

being an emotionlist

i am bloggin again when i am supposed to finish my stuff. but yah in the mood for slacking. later ba. but yah i noe its getting late. cos i dun plan to sleep liao. in order to finish my stuff. many thoughts flooded my head during class today.

Today, i begin to realised alot of things myself. I am an emotionlist. And I reckon that as soemthing bad sometimes. Over dependant on that. something tat mu tou made me realised.
Was it a emotional led or spirit led? that leads to the part where mu tou said, you no need to shout and scream to display anger. So obviously i was was plain showing my displease in front of his face without me realising. OK i tot i was tactful and no i wasnt at all i was plain showing pple my emotions ok tat wasnt veri mature of me n that has to change. CODE RED: CHANGE!!

and mu tou said i was complaining alot. Perhaps i think i am. WTH. haiz..

I need wisdom over my emotions. Its my weakest link. So i need to overcome. :)

Alrite. I am struck down but not destroyed! Here I am send me!

jia lat my back aching.. old liao.

复刻回忆

复刻回忆

你还好吗 好久不见 又来这里 这个老店
后来的你 喜欢了谁 我们 聊聊天

现在的你 一样美丽 至於爱情 是个回忆
她不爱我 他离开你 爱会来 就会去

在不同的城市努力 偶尔也会想想你
这样的我 那样的你 要很久才相聚

我们都没说那遥远的曾经
我们也没提故事的原因
青春的复刻回忆像一片云
没法子抓在手里

我们的眼泪在复习著过去
我们的微笑是彼此的氧气
复刻的回忆是封挂号信
多远都可以找到你

窗外的树 爱哭的风 烦恼的我 聪明的你
爱是什麼 什麼人懂 所以 别难过
心还痛吗 请忘了吧 所谓幸福 是个童话
后来的我 一切随意 所以 没关系

午后的闷热的窗外的一场大雨
让我们看见了以前的自己
把时光倒转回那一季 那年的梦 他乡的你

for you... mu tou!

lunch blog

Its lunch time. and here i am blogging.

Chris is blowing down my neck for her derma rf consumer brochure. and arabad is oso chasing me for the CF artwork to be done. and I have to do yirun baptism card and liyun bday card.
yeah so much things to do huh? i am goin to drop some stuff off my shoulders.

CMI liao. clone scolded me again. he say he wun sympathize with me lor. ahha.

yeah.

I need to review my goals for this year.

tbc...

A big mu tou!!

Its been ages I last blogged.

I guess it is the best way of penning my thoughts and feelings down.
I have concluded my brains (mental), my heart (emotional) and my body (physical) they
are malfunctioning now. I'm gone.

Recently, something happened. And it causes 2 hearts to be broken.
Mu tou young and mu tou sa. and I miss my mu tou.

Ask me why I called him mu tou. seriously, i dunno but maybe because he is veri stubborn.
But why am i called mu tou. tat i not sure but some how I seem to be the biggest MU tou here.

I screwed the relationship between us. Soemthing that I wanted so badly, and now its gone. Liken a miscarriage. but well. No more.

I am lost. I did not noe wad to do. I never even turn on my radio to class 95 because mu tou told me that brings sad memories.

For the longest time i am trying to understand mu tou but soemtimes i feel the more i try to understand him, the more i dun understand him. Am i thinking too much of his complexity or is he just a close book.

To me, he is smart. But i know maybe he din think too well of himself. He likes to be in a positive environment now (MLM) perhaps previously, he was positioned in a negative environment. To a certain extend, he was not doing academically well, and yah pple compare, pple were mean.

The things i said, perhaps wake mu tou up, perhaps scared him off, perhaps I have hurt him.
I remember he said this abt me. My strength is oso my weakness.. Maybe, he is " stressed" with me. And i guess my truthfulness have hurt him. He has tried his best but wad did i do? not being veri appreciative.. so wad an idiot right? me?

Today, i was so upset. The things mu tou said n done keeps ringing in my head. I am so depressed. I cant eat. what goes in wants to come out. Totally dun feel like eating.
I feel so morbit n zombie. What i do, and do my head onli rings this " mu tou young"

When i sleep, doing work, bathing, in fact every moment of my life is him. WHY??
He is so important to me. :( but its not i dun want to try but he dun wanna let me try. I noe tat if
i were to do anything tat would even causes harm to the friendship. Its so miserable.
Seriously, I dun want to be career -minded kind of person. I am so tired. WHo noes that i want to be weak? Thats why i dun like mu tou ask me to be leader. cos i look up to him as one.

I miss his voice, i miss his laughter, i even miss him smoking.. sigh.. I miss him being cute. I miss his hug, i miss him even he argues with me, i miss him resting his arm on my shoulder. I JUST MISS HIM. i over look the part tat i was hurting his ego to a certain extend. I overlook the part when i hurt him with my words which i tot i was tactful but it wasnt. so now i noe why even mu tou says fault lies with both but no pt crying over spilled milk. He gave me the chance but I lost it.
I screwed it up myself, without me realising it.

Now i gt to let him go, cos i said, I want the best for him. and i want him to succeed. I want him to be confident of himself, I want him to rise up to be a leader. It so painful. but i dun have a choice.

Whenever I see the neo print my hurt breaks. argh.. i think i am sprialling down to depression. I guess i wun want to be such a strong carreer-minded person. at least not for now. super tiring. Mu tou says he wants to walk far away from me so i could recover. perhaps thats one of the reason, i guess i hurt him alot too. tats why he dun want to be hurt alr.

I miss mu tou voice and telling me he is cute. I miss tat. and there is soemthing i wanted to give him. IF even i got a chance, I will. If not, it will be always in my heart.

giraffe, kungfu panda, letter, club, 50 cent lucky charm, notebook (the most precious) together with the neo prints, sitting down waiting for train, talking over the phone, studying together. miss clarity cafe feeding him with lotsa food, waiting at the bus stop for bus 12. specially for you amos cookies, starfish and dolphin hugs and kisses, and many more.

so much more to say but i guess i will just end it here.
If fate allows, i still want my mu tou. - hopefully mu tou will be soft this time.

ciao